not [yet] bilingual

I’ve said this before but…I didn’t realize before I moved to a country with a language that is not my own how crucial language is to our lives.  To say that it influences every aspect of every day is true but almost hard to conceive until you are put in the situation.  Friends, work, relationships, grocery shopping, going out to eat, bus schedules, your bank and cell phone company, TV/movies (although I have to admit, most are in English), the person you meet on the street (if you’re in Jerusalem there is also a good chance they are American, too, though), in short…everything.  All of these things are manageable, some much easier than others, with either a bit of knowledge of Hebrew or sometimes even just using English.  Most people know English here and if not, many services are provided in English too…they’re usually just even less helpful or correct than the Hebrew.

A year after moving to Israel one hurdle that continues to stare me in the face everyday is dealing with interpersonal relationships.  If it is a one-on-one relationship with an Israeli I usually have no problems, I know enough of the language to be able to tell about myself, express myself, have them get to know me, get to know them, etc.  It takes time but this is usually not a big concern of mine.  In larger social settings, however, with a group of people, I am often reminded of the language barrier.  It is like the saying, “The more you learn the more you realize there is to learn” or however it goes.  It’s very true, the more Hebrew I learn, the more I am acutely aware of the language, innuendos, or social references that I am missing, and therefore how much more I have to learn.  Under-the-breathe or side comments are something that I often miss and I have begun to realize how much of an insight they can be to someone’s personality, opinions, or beliefs.   If I am not either a. involved in the conversation or b. paying attention to the conversation then I usually do not hear what is being said.  In a second language that one has still not successfully mastered the whole “subconscious listening” thing doesn’t seem to happen.  For example, if I am having a conversation in English and there is another conversation happening next to me in English, even though I’m not actually listening or paying attention to that second conversation, I could probably still tell you at least the main idea of what they are talking about, perhaps even more detail, because I somehow or another still heard it and it partially entered my brain.  In Hebrew I have nothing of this sort going on.  If I am working and people are talking around me there is a chance, depending on how much concentration my work takes, that I probably didn’t hear a word of the conversation around me.  This is more crippling than it may seem.

I find that, as part of the language [I’m ready for it not to be a] barrier, it not only takes me much longer to get to know people but it also takes them longer to get to know me.  I’m much more introverted in a Hebrew setting, which is not the greatest.  It’s very hard to think “if this social setting were in English would I have said something there, entered my opinion, asked a question, etc” but I would assume that generally the answer is yes since, if you know me, you know that I’m not a quiet or shy person.  My friend Daniel is someone who definitely notices this aspect in me, and pushes me a lot to change it.  He’s right, it is only a barrier if I make it a barrier, but it is really hard to ignore the fact that I mishear, misunderstand, or simply miss things.  In this situation, ignorance is bliss and I wish I were more ignorant.  When I was studying abroad here I had the same group of Israeli friends in Jerusalem and I honestly don’t remember feeling such a language barrier, which doesn’t make sense because I barely knew any Hebrew, and most of the friends don’t know English.  It just goes to show that the barrier really is what you make it. 

The social setting in the army, and with my Israeli friends, really makes me realize how much of life happens in the little, in-between, moments; the short quick conversation, the side comment while watching TV, the text message, the joke made in passing, these are a lot of the things that I am still working on understanding, and being a part of.  These are a lot of the times when I am silent, choose not to comment because I’m not sure I understood 100% and I don’t want to look silly, or I’m not sure exactly how to say what I want to say.  These are the things I need to get over.  I look like a fool often enough in Hebrew, I make a lot of mistakes, and I still continue to speak in Hebrew almost every opportunity possible, so why not push myself even further.  Who cares if I look silly…better to look silly 1 year after moving here where I am still very much allowed than to keep going like this and never overcome these obstacles. 

I could choose to speak in English almost all of the time, and people would get to know “the real me” or get to know me a lot faster, but I’m not sue this is the answer.  It is tough to deal with knowing that people don’t get to know me as quickly or as much as I am used to or would like, but I still think that sticking to Hebrew will pay off in the long run.  Hopefully I’ll get to the point where “Hebrew Lauren” and “English Lauren” are much more closely related, and there is no difference on the relationships.  

College vs Army

Someone (I forget who, sorry) told me I should write a blog post about this.  It's one of those things that you're always reminded of in the moment but when you sit down to write about it you can't seem to remember what you were thinking or what you realized.  Well, here goes anyway...

When an American student is in their second, third, and especially fourth and final year of high school they may busy researching, visiting, applying, planning, and deciding which college or university they want to attend for the next few years, and which path of study most interests them (although 50% enter undecided, we'll get to that later).

When an Israeli student is in their second, third, and especially fourth and final year of high school they are busy researching, testing, and deciding which unit they most want to belong to in the Israeli Defense Force.

From experience (in fact, this entire entry is strictly based on my own experiences) I can pretty confidently say that if you asked the average American college student if they could imagine themselves in the army instead of in college, they would probably say no.  If you asked some of the 18 year old Israeli soldiers if they could imagine themselves in university instead of the IDF they would probably answer with something like.."ahlavai" meaning..."if only."  Of course there would be the more Zionistic, nationalist ones who would answer "no" because they've been planning on being drafted into the army at age 18 since they knew what the IDF was.  Yes, many would voluntarily draft even if it wasn't mandatory, and many would die to be at an American university instead of at boot camp, but I'm pretty sure all would say that their path for the next 2-3+ years and an American 18-year-old's path for the next 2-4+ years are basically polar opposites, so they think.

Drinking, partying, studying, "no parents" (no rules)...boot camp, guns, commanders and discipline. But wait a minute...moving away from home, meeting new friends, living with roommates, eating dining hall food, sharing bathrooms with too many people, lack of sleep, learning new material and skill sets, pillow talk, shower parties, gaining weight (yes, the "freshman 15" happens in the army too, and not from beer), learning time management, longing for home cooking, drinking too much coffee, saving your laundry up until you bring it home for mom to do....seems to me like there might be more similarities than differences!  The two big differences are that in University there is a lot of drinking and not a lot of rules or discipline.  In the army there is no drinking and everything is run by rules and disciple.  Besides these two (okay, fine, BIG) differences, everything that has to do with moving out and being on one's own, learning about yourself and how to live with others, make new friends, manage your time, learn new skills...these are all the same.  For the past 6 months I found myself a few times analyzing the behavior or comments of a lot of the friends I am serving with and realizing that I went through an awkwardly similar time in my life when I started college.  Thankfully I have been lucky in serving with a lot of people who are not 18, who took a year off between high school and the army, who have traveled the world a lot with diplomatic or banker families and have a broad world view, who (2 or 3) also have a degree!, who are also American/Canadian/British, or for some other reason are not the "typical" Israeli soldier, like me!

Girl Power!

As part of my job we have a "satellite base" sort of thing, to be vague.  We rotate weekly between the soldiers at my base staffing at this base.  Since we are down in terms of numbers of soldiers right now because of vacations and those that are in courses, I was here about a month ago for a week and I am back already.  There isn't much work here, it isn't super busy, but someone has to be here!  I'm one of the only girls here and at first it was very intimidating but now I'm managing fine, the soldiers come and sit in my office with me and we have coffee together after dinner sometimes.  They invite me to order pizza and sit and chat with them which I may decline more often then is actually nice but I have to try and keep my distance a bit, too.  They are, after all, a bunch of 18-21 year old fighters who don't get to go home often and all of a sudden they have a girl on base!  The only really nerve-wracking time is Shabbat dinner in the 'mess hall' when everyone eats at the same time.  Last time I sat at the table with the officers, per request of the kitchen staff thankfully, and I assume I will probably do that again this week.  At least the officers are only 2 years younger than me and not 4 or 5!

To pass the time last time I was here I brought many books and there is a TV in the office.  I read Exodus in the office and I read The Help in my room as my "pleasure" book.  Yea, I'm a dork for having a "work" and a "pleasure" book.  I am about 2/3rd of the way through both of them, both of which are about 600 pages, and look forward to finishing them both this week.  I brought Hebrew books last time but didn't manage to get myself to read any.  This time I also brought a workbook for studying/learning Hebrew, documents from my job to study, and my COMPUTER!  I realized I can set up a WiFi HotSpot from my cell phone's internet connection to my computer, yayy!!  I wish I thought to bring the USB for my phone as the connection would be better, but I'm excited to see what I can manage to do with the spotty internet connection I have here.  I was seriously hoping I'd be able to skype but I'm not sure about that being a reality.  My WiFi says full strength but it goes slow and struggles opening websites so I suppose that's a lie.

I'm really hope I can spend the week catching up with people, as well as finishing my books, learning Hebrew, and SLEEPING! It's like a mini-vacation being here, the only bummer is that I can't go running.  By the time I leave the office it is dark out (even if I could I don't really want to run around here in the dark) and plus, when I'm here I have to be with a gun and I have no where to double lock it up if I were to go for a run, and I clearly can't just leave it somewhere.  Therefore, I must find the motivation to do workouts in my room this week, last time I did about 3 or 4. Out of the 7 days I have here my goal is 5 high intensity interval training workouts in my room. Not to be overly optimistic or anything...

'Hi sir it's Lauren from the IDF...no no, not Moren...Lauren, with an 'L' like LIMA.'

I know, it's been a while.

Coming home every other weekend literally makes time FLY!  In my job I'm currently on an 11-3 schedule meaning I'm on base for 11 days (Sun to the following Thurs morning), I come home for the weekend, and leave Sunday morning to go back to base.  It means I count everything not having to do with the army in 2 week increments, instead of daily or even weekly increments like the average "citizen".  If I have plans for a weekend/Shabbat to be away from home then that means I begin to count in monthly increments because if I am not home one of my weekends off then I haven't been home in a month.  I'm not sure if it is possible to follow that but basically...time flies before I even realize I had time.  That also means that every minute I'm home I try to fill it with things I need to get done, things to buy, people to see, relationships to catch up on, and...as many of you already know all too well...I never manage to check off my entire "call and catch up with ____" list.  It seems to be ever growing and never shrinking, and I am truly sorry for being so out of touch with so many of you.  With the time difference, friends/family with school or jobs, and my desire to keep busy/travel around/go out while I'm home it puts me in the position where the most convenient time to call and catch up is at 2 or 3 AM when I get back from the bar or a friend's house on the weekend, and let's just say that rarely works out or ends up actually happening.  I swear though, my intentions are good and I still make the "to call" list every other week before I get home from base seriously hoping I can catch up.  It's a HUGE bummer that the internet fully functions on my phone on base except it is not strong enough for skype, so I can't call people when I have a night off like I am used to.  Don't worry friends, this also means I can't call MY MOM when I'm on base... :(.  We use TalkBox and WhatsApp to keep in touch though, maybe you're also interested in downloading one of those free apps and keeping in touch with me (free voice chatting and sending texts/pictures/videos respectively).

Okay, on to more interesting things...I started my job about a month and a half ago! I'm a Liaison to Egypt in the Foreign Relations Unit of the IDF.  I think I mentioned this in a post before but in English they call my title an NCO, non-commissioned officer, which is hilarious because in maybe every other military in the world it takes a long time to reach that title, not 4 months, haha.  Anyway, because Egypt has no government, or, rather, their government is currently their army, all of the contact Israel has with Egypt goes through my branch of our unit in the army (ohh yea...Israel DOES have that Peace Treaty with Egypt still...).  So that is the base of my job, work out border security and policy with the Egyptians in hopes of keeping the peace treaty in tact and not starting any unnecessary wars.  We also work with a multinational peacekeeping force made up of soldiers and civilians from different countries around the world.  In short...make love not war.

I can't really get into more detail than that, especially on a blog on the internet, so if you're interested or have specific questions feel free to ask me and if I can answer I will gladly do so.  It's going to be a very interesting year for my unit, depending on the official turnout and after-effects of the elections in Egypt.  Last weekend Egypt celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the revolution, yayy!! Let's cross our fingers it turns out well for Israel.  I'm fairly optimistic because the Peace Treaty is very good for both countries, whether either wants it or not.  Ohh, politics. 

I am still in training for another few weeks or a month or so, which is great because I have A LOT to learn.  I'm sure you all understand what it's like to start a new job with new demands, responsibilities, and required skill sets, so that's nothing new.  They keep me, and I keep myself, very busy learning everything there possibly is to learn from 8:30am until midnight or so every day I'm on base.  That's the deal with being on a "closed" base, or a base where you sleep, you work all the time and there is certainly no concept of 9-5 or anything remotely close to it.  This is neither a problem or something new for me, though, I am naturally a person who desires to learn, study, practice, and master whatever tasks I have at hand, and I seriously thank God that I am naturally like that because if I weren't I would never survive in this situation.  Small side-note: in case you forgot and I haven't mentioned the slight complication...I'm doing this job in a language I started learning (beyond the basics) about a year ago.

To keep myself laughing I like to try and understand this concept by imagining a 3-year-old child sitting in a big office with a relatively important military/political job like mine.  With his silly grammar mistakes, funny baby "accent," and general lack of vocabulary, we're really not all that different, this baby and I.  I make a lot of mistakes, which is something I'm not particularly familiar with and it definitely takes a lot of getting used to.  I'm not saying I don't make mistakes in life, or at a new job, but I certainly am not used to making avoidable mistakes, which happens often enough because of the language.  The thing I really try and focus on and so far have been successful at is not repeating mistakes, so at least I have that going for me.  I'm also not used to taking so much time to complete tasks.  I am not exaggerating when I say it often takes me 10 times longer than the average Hebrew speaker to complete a task.  You can probably just imagine how frustrating that is.  It takes forever to read, to type, to write, to understand, etc.  Seriously bless the veteran NCO's at my job, my officers and commanders for not getting upset or frustrated with me and taking their time with me.  Every "shift change" I have to sit and read through all of the updates, the current statuses, what happened during my shift, etc, so that everyone can continue to be on the same page.  You should see me read through these pages of excel spreadsheets, word documents, and emails at 11 at night after a 15 hour stressful shift.  I often can't seem to successfully read a complete sentence in Hebrew, and about once a week I start crying for no reason...I'm assuming mental exhaustion.  I realized last week the extreme lack of rest I am giving my brain during my time at base; working, speaking, typing, reading, socializing in Hebrew. Lunch time is not down time because the conversation is in Hebrew, when I manage to give myself a few minutes to watch TV I read the subtitles because I don't want to miss a learning opportunity, even when I run I talk to myself in Hebrew!  It clearly takes a toll on me, but it's also the reason I'm learning so much so quickly.  I don't necessarily see the progress all the time but everyone tells me I'm getting much better everyday, so I'll believe them.  I have light-years to go, but step by step, or leap by leap, I'll get there.  And if I could only get rid of this damn American accent I have when I speak Hebrew...ugh!

Don't get me wrong, although my job, and being in the army in general, is certainly no walk in the park, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I've said since basic training that I thought I would be bored if I were on the same adventure, in the same situation, in an English speaking military.  I hold true to that, even though I may just be saying it to make myself feel better.  Because I'm so used to this situation of learning and pushing myself so much so often, I can't really imagine what it would be like if it were any easier...maybe less fulfilling.  For what it's worth, I love, and hate, love to hate and hate to love the IDF, but I wouldn't change my decision to join for a minute.

More to come about why I have the time/ability to update on a Monday morning.

P.S. - I must admit I'm quite successful at speaking with the Egyptians and the peacekeeping force (English, duh!), even though it takes the Egyptians forever to understand what my name is. re: the title of this post.

Oh Wouldn't You Like to Be, My Neighbor

A week before I started my course I decided enough was enough of moving around between friend’s houses and parents of friend’s houses and finally went apartment hunting.  After spending many hours on various websites looking up apartments (in Hebrew, go me!) I compiled a list of apartments and phone numbers for the next day.  I wish I could explain in words how much I was dreading this “apartment hunting day” I had scheduled myself on my day off from the army.  In order to not pay for the public transportation I was going in uniform, it was hot, I knew it would be frustrating, from experience I assumed it would be quite unsuccessful, tiring, confusing, and anything else you can imagine.  To add to things I was doing it on my own because it so happened that none of my Israeli friends were around that day to help me, my sister was still in the states, and my other friends were working since it was in the middle of the week.  I figured if I ever made it to the point of signing a contract I had a few people to call up to sit with me so I didn’t mess up or get cheated/ripped off.

Before I left Tel Aviv in the morning to set out for my dreadful day I decided to check online one last time in the morning to see if anything else was posted.  Apartments are posted and rented daily here to the point where it doesn’t even make sense to look up apartments before the week you want to move, or in my case, the day you go looking.  I found an apartment listed not in the neighborhood my sister and I were looking but in our price range and size.  I decided to go to this apartment first in dire hope that it would sweep me off my feet and I wouldn’t have to lug myself all around the city in the heat and try to find all of these other apartments.  I showed up to this apartment, which, may I mention, was in an AMAZING location, and fell in love.  It was about 5 or 6 am Boston time but I was so giddy I couldn’t wait to call home and talk to Allie about it.  I talked to my mom for a while, biding time until it was reasonable to wake Allie, while I sat for a few minutes across the street from the apartment and watched 3 other people look at the apartment as well.  In the mean time I pretended like I was going in the direction of the other apartments to take a look at them too, because it’s not smart to take the first thing you see.  I finally woke Allie up and told her about the apartment, she agreed maybe I should check out the other ones too just in case but after about 10 minutes of trying to call the other apartments as well as figure out where they are we decided together to stop being idiots and to take the amazing first apartment we saw.  I called the realtor back immediately and said I was ready to sign.  I discussed and signed the contract all by myself and we had an apartment…just like that!

We live in a super cute apartment in an area of Jerusalem called Nachlaot.  Nachlaot is very much in the center of the city, an old, fairly religious neighborhood that turning to a more young, hip place to live as well.  The neighborhood is comprised of old windy street made of white Jerusalem stone and it is kind of like a little maze to walk around inside the neighborhood.  We have a convenience store, neighborhood bar, little coffee shop, and Gelateria right across the street.  This is on top of the 3 minute walk to the central Jerusalem market, a 5 minute walk to the center of the city and all the restaurants/bars/pubs there, and a 1 minute walk across the street to a huge, gorgeous park called Gan Sahker.  Oh, and a 10 minute walk or 2 minute bus ride to the central bus station.  Could it be a more perfect location? I think not.  Good find Lauren!

I’m barely ever home but Allie’s doing a great job slowly getting everything together in the apartment and when I’m home we capitalize on shopping for furniture and accessories for the apartment.

Beautifully Intertwined

I went to an apartment to buy a used microwave and they planned to meet me back at home to deliver it so I didn't have to carry it back.  I am crossing the street to wait to meet them at the corner of my street and two Americans from California ask me if I speak English and if I know how to get to the market.  I am explaining how to get to the market when my realtor crosses the street and we bump into each other and say "hi" and catch up for a minute (in Hebrew).  The couple delivers me the microwave as I continue talking to the two women from California about what I am doing in Israel and a short synopsis of how I got here/why I am here.  I carry the microwave back across the street while continuing to talk to them for another minute then enter my apartment, take off my IDF uniform, turn on American country music, and start the kumkum (hot water boiler) to make myself a cup of tea.  

This funny combination of buying used appliances, finding a way to get them delivered, always seeing someone you know, giving directions in English, and explaining what the heck I'm doing living here couldn't be a better example of my life. 

What a perfectly complex yet beautifully intertwined and just a bit confusing life I am living.  :) 

I'm Alive!

Still there?

So it’s been over two months since I last updated…oops.  It is a perfect example of how the past two months have flown by, however, and I really struggled to keep in touch (as if I don’t struggle enough with that regularly). 

So since I last wrote I started…and finished…my training course for my job in the army.  It was a 6 week course from the end of October until December 1^st.  I did what is called 12-2 meaning I was on base for 12 days and came home for two (every other Shabbat at home).  That is probably the main reason why time flew by so quickly.  I was back to the rules like basic training where I could only use my phone during meal breaks and during my hour before bed where I had to shower and get ready for the next day.  I’ll split the course into thirds to explain how it went.

The first few days/two weeks were really difficult for me.  We spent the entire day, 7/8am until 8/9pm in a classroom learning about the system of the army and then how it all relates to our job.  There was so much army terminology that I didn’t understand that it made it really hard for me to follow the lessons the first couple days.  I, unlike many of the Israelis, didn’t grow up in a society were everyone goes to the army, and these terms were not common language for me.  Not to mention that I didn’t and still don’t have any idea what most of the words are in English (again, because I didn’t grow up with army terminology in my lexicon).  The best part of all the new vocab is that you have to remember every word twice, because no one uses the full words in the army.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is in abbreviations and acronyms (like NASA).  I was a bit stressed the first few weeks, especially because of the weekly tests, which were really difficult for me.  It was not enough to sit in the lessons, understand the Hebrew, simultaneously take notes in Hebrew, and review during every break, I had to then understand what the heck they were asking me on the test and then figure out how to get the answer out in some relatively comprehendible style of Hebrew.  Test scores week 1: 45, 48 corrected to 63, and a 65.  Did I mention an 80 is passing?

The next two weeks of the course were more fun and less stressful.  I had gotten the hang of how to get the most out of the lessons, I asked more questions, and we had trips around the country which helped with the “out of the classroom” more hands on type learning.  Test scores week 2: 68, 76…movin on up!

The last two weeks were a lot more fun with many more out of the classroom activities, trips, general knowledge learning, etc.  We broke up into our specific positions, either Liaison (me) or International Military Partnership Activity (yea, I just translated that directly, sorry).  The former dealing with the countries on Israel’s border; Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, and Egypt (holla!), and the latter dealing with all the other countries in the world that Israel talks to including Europe, Africa, Asia, North and South America, you name it.  I spent even more effort on hanging out with friends and having a good time the last two weeks than I did the previous month and it seems like it paid off; test scores week 3: 81, 84…hell yeah!  I don’t know what I got on my final test because I never got it back (shows you how much the scores actually matter) but my final grade for the course overall was 90.  The final grade includes the tests, simulations, the half hour presentation I did on Iraq, my job of managing our supplies for a week, and then things like effort, relationships, ability to work with others, how we deal with the system of the army and the course specifically, etc.  From a 45 to a 90 in just 6 weeks…not too shabby ;)

I’m going to wrap it up and I’ll post again soon.  We had our ceremony on November 30^th (Shout out to my best friend Jen’s 24^th birthday that was the same day!) and my sister, Eli, Daniel, and mahhm Deborah all came to support me.  Sidenote: Mahhm brought me turkey and absolutely delicious pie (both pecan AND pumpkin) from Thanksgiving since I was on base and missed it, big Mahhm points right there.  Anyway, it was great to meet everyone’s family since I had known some of the people for 4 ½ months already (since basic training) and felt like I knew so much about their lives and their family/friends.  We got certificates and pins to put on our uniforms, my commander gave me his pin off his uniform instead of a new one, he was the best. 

We got our assignments the next day…I’m a liaison to Egypt! More on that to come…

P.S. I have pics but my internet is in the process of getting fixed so they will be uploaded this weekend.